Say "NO"!
And do so gracefully, effectively and frequently.

A post-doctoral fellow named Michael sent an email in response to my newsletters. He is pleased because he’s already been invited to five on-campus job interviews. (Yeah!) However, he’s feeling overwhelmed with everything else he’s got to do this semester. Michael asks this question: in order to focus on his own priorities, how should he decline the many requests of his advisor and others?

Saying “no” firmly but gracefully is an essential, but difficult task. As you progress up the academic ladder, more and more people make demands upon your time. If you don’t learn to turn things down you will never get tenure.

How should you say “No”?

1) Give yourself time

Make it a habit to think about every request before saying “yes” or “no”. To every opportunity say something like, “That sounds great. Let me look at my schedule and get back to you.” Postponing a decision allows you to consider whether or not you can take on a new responsibility. It conveys to the other person that you take their request seriously. It also allows you to brainstorm ways of saying “no” effectively.

2) If you say “no” give a reason for your refusal.

People respond more favorably when explanations are given. For example, social psychologists studied whether office workers would let someone cut in line at a photo-copying machine. When the experimenter’s confederate said bluntly “May I cut in front of you?” most subjects refused to let him go ahead. When the line cutter added a reason, even something minor like “May I cut in line because I’m running late?”, the majority of subjects allowed him to go first.

3) Link your excuse to the other person’s needs.

For example, don’t just tell the journal editor “I can’t review the article because I have a grant due next month.” Instead say, “I can’t review the article right now because it would delay your publication schedule. I have a grant deadline next month which means I wouldn’t get the article back to you until June.”

Don’t tell the chair of a newly formed committee that you don’t have time to serve. Tell her that you’d better not accept the role because your travel schedule would mean missing so many meetings that you wouldn’t be able to make a useful contribution. People told “no” tend to be more understanding if you make it clear that you don’t want to create problems for them.

4) Invite the person making the request to help you choose between alternatives.

For example, if your research advisor asks you to conduct a new experiment, ask him which of your other research efforts you should put on hold. If your department chair asks you to join a new task force, ask which other committee you should resign from. When using this tactic, be careful to avoid sounding glib or sarcastic.

5) If you must say “yes”, try to reduce the scope of the demands.

Sometimes you can’t say “no”. However, you can still negotiate for modifications that will make the task more manageable. For example, one of my clients was “asked” to teach a new course at the last minute. Her department chair made it clear that she could not refuse. Instead, she asked for, and was granted, a cap on the number of students who could enroll. She also requested an extra teaching assistant so that she kept her grading responsibilities to a minimum.

6) Learn to say “no” to yourself.

This is the most difficult task. The academics I work with have great difficulty saying “no” to wonderful opportunities. Many of us can’t turn down a tempting offer because we relish the challenge (and think of the wonderful addition it will make to our resume.) When a tantalizing project arises, it is vital to realize that you’ll have to give up something else. You can’t do everything.

• If you agree to write the book chapter it is going to take several extra months to get out that paper for peer review.
• If you agree to be a graduate teaching assistant for two classes, rather than take out another student loan, it is going to take an extra semester to finish your dissertation.
• If you agree to collaborate on a new research project, you’re going to have to put your solo project on hold for a while.

Think through the downside of additional responsibilities.

I believe that giving up the possibility of unlimited options is one of the main developmental tasks of the late 20’s and the 30’s. If we choose one career path we automatically rule out others. If we choose one life partner we can no longer explore new romantic possibilities. If we decide to have children we give up all sorts of freedoms. People who can’t decide what to give up never get anywhere. Before you go through one door you have to close others. Crafting a meaningful and successful life depends on the acceptance of inevitable loss.

Good luck giving things up!

Mary McKinney, Ph.D.
Clinical Psychologist
Academic Coach
www.SuccessfulAcademic.com

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Attribution should read:
By Mary McKinney, Ph.D. of “Successful Academic Coaching”. Please visit Mary's web site at http://www.successfulacademic.com for additional tenure track tips and dissertation writing strategies.”